Viciously marZipaned Janina

2008-01-09T14:13:00.000Z

I find it surprising that Tom Coates keeps any reference to the development of barbelith on Plasticbag when it's clearly gone into complete meltdown. It's at the stage where no new users are able to access the site. I know I shouldn't laugh but it feels like such a relief not to worry about it.

2007-12-28T01:24:00.000Z

Will I never be tired again? I was tired when I woke up and got out of bed, why am I not tired now? How very frustrating.

2007-12-03T17:36:00.000Z

So which is it: am I stupid enough to lose a cheque worth thousands or bright enough to tell the accounts manager about a donation we're due to pay even though no asked me to tell her and it wasn't my responsibility last time?

Even I'm a moron or I have the brain capacity of a psychic, either way making a decision would be helpful for me.

2007-11-19T16:20:00.000Z

I made the mistake of listening to Saturday's Moral Maze. You can hear it through the listen again function on the BBC Radio 4 website. The utter inability of Claire Fox and Michael Portillo to listen to Bea Campbell clearly point out that there exists a problem with initial evidence gathering by the police force, despite the hierachical structure indicating that it should happen, was absurd. I'm not sure that they should be allowed to debate if they can't actually listen to the counter-arguments and listening back they should be ashamed of themselves for failing to listen to a "witness" who was contributing to the discussion.

2007-11-12T12:00:00.000Z

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."

I subscribe to this but more to the notion that all objects should be useful and beautiful. Is there a single reason in the UK in 2007 why this shouldn't be the case?

2007-11-05T09:57:00.000Z

If anyone fancies voting for Fluxblog in the 2007 Weblog Awards that would be nice

2007-11-05T00:19:00.000Z

Why can't I learn to unashamedly face up to and express what I want? I had a conversation a while ago in which I was told by a close family member that I was allowed to have what I want. It made me cry. I've never really believed that it is right to want what I want, I don't really trust my judgement on the smallest, most mundane things and emotionally that often leaves me in an awkward place, realising too late that I was right about myself, my responses, my needs all along. I don't know how to tell people that, explain to people why I can be flummoxed at a bar, unable to choose what to do with my future, disabled in my decision about a holiday destination. Even now I can't explain to people that I can't decide, not that I don't want to but that I just feel absurd deciding. Perhaps I need counselling. I certainly need to become more confident and more clear sighted more quickly, otherwise I'm going to continue to deny my judgement, my confidence in myself and I won't be doing myself any favours. It's going to fuck up my relationship because I will get angry at myself more and more for not asserting my choices, the ones that I make but am in denial about.

Well, it's something to work on.

2007-10-29T11:52:00.000Z

I finished Alexander McCall-Smith's Careful Use of Compliments on Saturday and have been thinking about this particular series of novels since. I have reached one conclusion: I don't like Isabel Dalhousie. Isabel is an unpleasant person. She is a snob, she makes judgements about people all the time, particularly about her niece Cat and she doesn't understand why her behaviour might be hurtful. She imposes her belief systems on people as if they are absolutely the only ethical choices available and does not think about the human consequences of her actions. Other people generally have to reach out to Isabel and not vice versa. She treats her housekeeper abhorrently, has little actual respect for her spiritualism or the sheer amount of work that she does, has in fact no conception of what it takes to perform manual labour. The feeling that she has never had to clean a house or pick up after herself is prevalent. In the most recent book it seems obvious that Dalhousie is existing without a sense of her own privilege, she is manipulative, uses her money in ways that can only be described as immoral and behaves impulsively in ways that are reprehensible.

It's interesting to read a book that I have this response to but I find my response to Isabel Dalhousie fascinating because I don't have to feel guilty about the dislike. Her motivations, the psychology behind her choices is unimportant, I am free to despise her because Isabel does not exist.

2007-10-22T14:02:00.001Z

There are photos from my trip to Croatia here.

2007-10-07T22:57:00.000Z

I'm going to Croatia tomorrow so will be offline for the next week or so. I might pop some pictures up when I return. It sounds quite scenic from the guide books and it should be a lot of fun. Have a good 7 days!

2007-10-05T14:47:00.000Z

To the person who was looking for pictures of the same dress on two models, Catwalk Queen had a photo of Kate Beckinsale and Lily Allen wearing the same Chanel garment the other day. Just follow the link.

2007-10-02T13:46:00.000Z

I'm moving my fashion writing to Garbed. Suggestions for an image to replace Bedhead's Anna de Logardiere would be welcome.

2007-09-30T18:29:00.000Z

Degraded women has been a subject that has been explored quite viscerally during Milan fashion week. Most of the blogs covering the subject have featured the Nolita anti-anorexia advert, there is an examination of the advert at Back in Skinny Jeans that describes the problems around such an approach, including the lack of backing from any anti-anorexia campaigns. In a sense the ad is worrying, while a lot of people support Isabelle Caro for her decision to post I wonder how she will feel about it in the future, provided she manages to recover from her illness. It feels like it degrades her to an extent, she is someone suffering from something very complicated and she has made it clear, despite being used as an example of a person who is size zero that she has not been specifically influenced by the fashion industry. It has always felt to me that the criticism of the fashion industry has been a convenient ploy that allows communities to avoid discussing anorexia and other illnesses centred on eating appropriately. Food is an intensely complicated issue, most people have worries and obsessions that surround eating, sometimes compulsions arise and no one, absolutely no one can look at themselves in a mirror, photograph or film and see what everyone else can, it is simply too shocking to be confronted by your own physicality when you live only inside your own body. I doubt that this advertising campaign is ultimately going to come to anything when I think about the fashion culture, which is so rarely touched by anything except money and its internal politics.

Then there's the photo shoot that has featured in Italian Vogue. Is it a photo discussion of women as degraded by circumstance or is it a jeering account of how weak they are? It is in parts beautiful but also horrific because it is so reminiscent of how very degrading the actions in Iraq have been. If the women were substituted with men you would have, at times, a celebrated war movie and that's a very telling reading of the culture that we live in because this is a glamorous and degrading war story. It isn't automatically less so because it's a fashion shoot featuring beautiful bodies and clothes. Stories of war must degrade and you can never adequately bring the tale across to people who have always lived comfortably, no matter how horrible moments on film are. So do we command everyone to stop making images and telling stories because there isn't a clear and vocal moral message inherent in pictures or do we let all artists, even fashion photographers explore events that are happening now? The images can be read in so many ways, are these about rape or about women left behind, are they about pain or degradation? It's impossible to tell what the motivation is and even what the story is but it does bring across discomfort, horror and glamour so to an extent it has worked. Finally and importantly this is to an extent a criticism, the photographer Steven Meisel is American, the men are portrayed negatively and are clearly meant to be of US origin.

2007-09-29T12:54:00.000Z

Picture for a moment Victoria Beckham in Gucci. Emphasis on her breasts, waist and hips, presenting a classic Italian silhouette despite the design probably having been created by Tom Ford. At the end of Milan fashion week 2008 the distinct curves of the Italian feminine strike me. There appear to be geographical differences in the approach to the feminine silhouette. The shape of the constructed ideal feminine body changes in various countries, Southern Europe contrasts with Northern Europe. Designers who are not Italian tend to be heavily indoctrinated into the specifics of feminine fashion.

At this moment the opportunity to review the runway shows, specifically those of the big designers and fashion houses is presented. The urge is to try and find similarities between clothes, try to spot common trends but this year I have been struck by difference. Italy has a very specific type of femininity that comes across on the catwalk. If you imagine the models outlines rather than the you arrive at the point where you have to start considering the contrast in clothing.

Below are two designs by Marc Jacobs, a ready to wear evening dress and a more casual outfit. The dress is quite diagonal, if it weren't it would have an element of A-line about it. You can see a hip at one side but there's little emphasis of it. There's definitely an A-line element in the shorts but little emphasis on the hips despite their length. The legs of the model are made to look almost continuous, a part of a single structure that is the body.

Matthew Williamson puts some emphasis on the hips, the shape of the purple dresses is clearly influenced by Italian designs but they don't quite have the same bite or emphasis on the waist, the influence is at the thigh rather than any higher.

In comparison are some examples of Spring/Summer 2008 Italian ready to wear designed by Roberto Cavalli, Versace and Prada. The clothes always taper into the thigh and emphasise the waist, almost biting into them.

There are exceptions of course, the Matthew Williamson piece above shows that quite adequately, yet there seem to be two different streams here, working within a set of rules that change from season to season. It is a good guide to what kind of fashion house you would like to buy from, a decision could be made purely on the basis of what kind of silhouette you want. If an extremely feminine construction is your desire than the Italian designers are more likely to provide you with your perfect piece of clothing. The further north you venture the more the A-line becomes the ruling factor of a silhouette, the feminine becomes something different, more focused on the detail and content of the clothing and less on the shape. Italian dress plays more with the structure of the body and less with the presentation of pattern and frill, it is less girly and the trends lean away from the masculine elements of women's garments. Versace plays a little with masculine modes of dress but the vast majority of the clothes still retain the silhouette to some extent, usually by tapering into the thigh and putting some emphasis, however small and seemingly insignificant on the waist. I wonder if this is in some way related to Roman sculpture, the curves of ancient statues, it's certainly a deep vein running through the industry. Regardless of this it's cultural, that isn't really something to be questioned because it crops up in almost all of the Italian Spring/Summer collections despite all of the other trends that are being followed by the designers and fashion houses based in the country.

2007-09-27T13:21:00.000Z

I recommend Annalisa Barbiere's article Slaves to Fashion, if only for the lip service she pays to the seamstresses that work in ateliers and couture houses. If ever you get the chance to see a couture dress, turn it inside out and look at the exquisite hand stitching is very good advice. It's the simplest way to understand that beauty is constructed.

2007-09-26T08:35:00.000Z

I had the idea that I would review the fashion sections of the British weekend papers but realised it would take such a lot of time that I rejected it after a bit of thought. It seemed absurd to dismiss it out of hand so after some perusal I picked a few items from two supplements, the regular fashion columns from Saturday's Guardian and an article from The Times.

I really have to start with Alexis Petridis' column from Saturday. I've been reading the Guardian weekend since I was a child so I'm very familiar with their fashion writing and it's never quite inspired me but this specific item was astoundingly bad. He opens on a negative, presumably responding to some criticism: “It seems some writers (I can't think who) don't take fashion seriously enough.” He's lost me with one sentence, I want to read a column about clothes on the clothing page. He insults Galliano who makes consistently original, weird but interesting and sometimes breathtaking clothes because his menswear collection included a “balaclava helmet” and “a knitted kilt with... a vast, distended woollen penis hanging out of it?” I assume Petridis thinks this gives him an excuse not to write about clothes that men who read the paper can wear and instead to write a humour piece in the fashion section. When he goes on to moan that he doesn't know “how this season's jeans are meant to look” it becomes clear that he doesn't know that he's writing a fashion column. I'm not sure if no one bothered to tell him that it was his job to find out what jeans were in, perhaps the assumption is that no one really cares about men's fashion?

I'm not quite as interested in men's fashion. I don't aspire to wear it but when it's functional and aesthetically pleasing, interesting or outrageous I'm as interested as I am in women's clothes. This column tells me nothing about designers, designs or fashion. At the end of London Fashion Week Alexis Petridis tells me almost nothing about male fashion in 2007. He doesn't like Galliano because he can't wear it and he doesn't know what jeans to buy if he wants to be “in”. It's true he doesn't take his column seriously and he writes as if he doesn't like clothes. In distinct contrast my brother loves clothes, he buys them so that he looks good and feels good and every Christmas I buy him vouchers so that he can buy clothes that he likes. I don't understand why Petridis can't describe the clothes that he buys that he likes and explain why he likes them instead of whining about fashion. Presumably people read the fashion section in a newspaper supplement because they're interested in clothes, if they don't then why would they know who John Galliano is? Fundamentally his column seems to be useless, it doesn't help anyone who wants to look fashionable, it doesn't relay any positivity about clothes, it's just a column about the man who's writing it and it shouldn't be in the fashion section.

Above Alexis Petridis is Jess Cartner-Morley's column. She begins by talking about fashion concepts and I can certainly get behind her as she welcomes Lanvin's introduction of zips into high fashion. “When stylish women have been be-ribboned to the point of Little Bo Peep, fashion has tired of the look and moved on to zips.” This is a significant change on the catwalk and as she remarks it's rare for any haute couture designers to use zips on their garments. Unfortunately there are two problems with this article; She suggests that Amy Winehouse is crazy because she wears straps in different colours at the same time, something that is quite in line with the trends of the past year. She then goes on to suggest that the entire front row of the Lanvin show had botox injections very recently. I could do without this kind of insidious social frowning in a fashion column. Clothes are cultural constructs, which means that to criticise celebrities and fashionistas for their cultural construction is to miss the point of analysing fashion. It doesn't make the writing more accessible or more interesting, it just betrays a journalist as having a bias towards one group or another, in this case a bias towards the middle classes and the centre ground. My interpretation is that Jess Cartner-Morley thinks Amy Winehouse is a crazy member of the lower social classes and the women at Lanvin, with all their money will necessarily freeze their faces just because they can. She's engaging in cliches, indulging herself and her readers because it's uncomplicated and easier than discussing the complexities of fashion, clothes and the deeper meanings of our dress codes.

I really think that fashion writing in the Guardian needs an overhaul. If it has to continue I wish they would drop the constant jibes, the belittlement and start treating it either as a good, in depth consumer section about clothing on the high street or as an artform. Around this time of year there's plenty of scope for that as fashion week after fashion week takes place and haute couture lines start to appear.

I chose to look at a feature article in The Times. It's a piece on women's clothing, specifically sizing by Melanie Rickey. It's a bit more sensational than it needs to be, this is a standard subject that comes up in women's magazines and style supplements every now and again and it doesn't really need to focus on vanity. It's quite a technical article and I appreciated that, there's a lot of discussion about measurements in different shops, the way they differ so that a size 12 from M&S is larger than a size 12 in Topshop. The biggest problem is that she doesn't seem to understand how measurements actually work so she discusses the difference between a 10 and a 12 in shops and seems to desire standardisation. That would mean that a lot of clothes wouldn't fit anyone. My waist and hip sizes when taken together are different to other people I know who are vaguely the same dress size as me because my proportions are different. If every shop sold exact size 10 trousers at a standard size than most people would need to have their clothes made for them. Oasis is lauded because all of their trousers use the same measurements but I have tried on a size 10, 12 and 14 in Oasis and none of them fit me because I don't fit the ratios that they work to. This is alluded to in the article but it takes Rickey a long time to get there and that means she doesn't get to the crux of the problem, that sizing needs to be less general and more specific. Despite the flaw the article was at times quite practical, I learnt a lot from it and I appreciated that.

There's only one other thing that is really questionable about her article from a social perspective and that's when she criticises the choice of a store to sell size 6 clothing while commenting that “the designer world is harsher on larger women.” Some women are small, some women are big and some of them can do absolutely nothing about those things, they're just big or small. Women should have the choice of small and large clothes in every part of the fashion industry, it would make for a happy and more satisfying world.

In conclusion I didn't really manage to make a comparison between the two newspaper supplements because the pieces were so different. What is abundantly clear is that fashion writing in the cultural sections of our papers is riddled with cliches and critical statements about people's bodies and choices. It leads me to think that fashion journalists haven't been reading around their subject. There is so much work on the way that clothes work psychologically, practically, historically, sociologically with people's bodies and the best way to avoid using stereotypical statements about culture is to read some of the academic work that is rigorous and enlightening in relation to these issues. I know people who encounter the same problems when they read about music and films, the writer allowing their pre-conceived notions about class, race, gender and all number of things to intrude on the art that they're discussing. Often this passes as light hearted banter or humour but I already like the subject and when people write about it I want them to express their like, their love. It's a problem with talking about culture, your subjective perception of it always intrudes but I wish, with all my heart, that people would just write about clothes and fashion with an open mind and an eye for aesthetics and if they don't like something it should be because it's a top that doesn't appeal.

2007-09-25T08:20:00.001Z

“The end of haute couture's symbolic preeminence has as its corollary the loss of its clientele.” In the October edition of Vogue there is an article on haute couture in conjunction with the exhibition currently showing at the Victoria and Albert Museum. There is much discussion surrounding the loss of handmade, fit to client garments as common. The emphasis is turned away from the growth of industrialised, ready to wear garments that have allowed all people to dress well in interesting, exciting clothing and although that's usually my focus I find the mourning of couture as a large industry easy to understand. It is right to mourn the loss of couture but foolish to forget the benefit that led to it becoming less common and unfortunately to couture becoming more expensive. Writers like Gilles Lipovetsky, who wrote the sentence quoted above for The Empire of Fashion do not forget such things. Beauty should be available to all people, not just the rich or the famous who wear such dresses to film premieres and award ceremonies. Haute couture will never be accessible to the majority of us.

I am watching The Secret World of Haute Couture on BBC4 and it opens with women discussing the wonder of wearing a dress that fits like a second skin. Those types of dresses are complete outfits, you wear no underwear because it is built into the dress. They are often boned and it takes many fittings to truly build a costume for a woman. Only lucky women with huge amounts of money can afford such luxury, internationally there are only around 2000 clients.. It costs approximately $100,000 to purchase a dress. Haute couture has to be made in Paris and it is rare.

Karl Lagerfeld talks about his experience of falling in love with a Christian Dior outfit as a child. He sketches clothing designs with ease, talks about the dreams that give him his best ideas. The women and men in the atelier have the most astounding abilities in their hands that are so precise and skilled. They are artists, creating unique, wonderful pieces. Coco Chanel criticised haute couture in a 1953 issue of Vogue: “I am no longer interested n dressing a few hundred women, private clients; I shall dress thousands of women. But... a widely repeated fashion, seen everywhere, cheaply produced must start from luxury.” It is interesting then that Chanel with Lagerfeld as its Artistic Director is buying up ateliers in order to ensure their survival and the continued presence of haute couture. I do not think it is a mistake to preserve an artform but I understand why Coco Chanel wanted to broaden her influence, ensure that thousands dressed well and importantly she backed up her statements and ignored the copying of her couture items by others. While designers like Paul Poiret tried to stop copies, Chanel appeared to do nothing in this area.

While I am tremendously jealous of the women who can afford these items and a part of me disapproves of this inequality of dress, the fact that very, very few people can afford to purchase haute couture clothing, I do not want this artform to die. My feeling is the same where other arts are concerned, I don't think painting should die because prints are available yet I cannot afford to purchase paintings. Mass production remains a current innovation in the span of history, it allows us to own interesting things yet couture should not die in the face of that, even if it is limited for good reason these days.

At the end of The Secret World of Haute Couture I watch as the journalist who has been interviewing women who buy these unique, original garments finally tries on a coat. Her stance changes, her shoulders go back, she feels beautiful and that is lovely to see. The power that clothes have to bring out all the best things about us into our physicality at times feels unmatched. I hope that one day I will have the same opportunity and will feel that second skin.

2007-09-24T11:17:00.000Z

I’ve been trying to write about charity and fashion for the last few days but I keep moving into the topic of consumerism rather than clothing. The two issues are entwined with each other, particularly in the case of Red, the charity founded by Bono and a number of other people. His work with Red is a perfect example of the move towards ethical charities that work within the consumer market and use fashion and celebrity as a means to an end. Gap, American Express and Apple all produce items that allow sales proceeds to go to the charity and appear to be engaging in these activities to show that they understand these problems while going about their daily practice in every other area. Bono also has other ties with ethical fair trade consumerism and the fashion industry.

Charity and fashion is a complicated subject because the vast majority of questions that arise from it can only be directed at individuals. The motivation behind fashion and celebrity involvement with these issues is often unclear, it’s rarely explained in interviews and the cause tends to be the focus. It can be argued that individual’s motives don’t matter and yet it would probably bring it home that people live in a global rather than local environment. Charities need to make money, people don't give enough on the street, they often don't stop for people with clipboards but they do use American Express cards, they buy T-shirts. Generally if people are getting something they'll give something. Everyone who gives to charity admits other people need help but they're exercising their judgement about who to help, I don't necessarily think the right to choose a cause is realistic, would prefer it if funds were more centralised but we live in a society that currently needs charitable donation. Every tool may as well be used to achieve those donations.

The first real utilisation of the fashion industry in charity circles that I can recall was the big PETA campaign. Most people in the western world will be able to recall either seeing one of the anti-fur ads featuring a supermodel or if not then reading about the campaign. There has been a huge amount of criticism of models stating that they were anti-fur and then wearing fur years later on the catwalk. I don't have to approve of my workplace and its actions to work there, very few people actually work in line with their ethics so it's difficult to criticise without talking to a specific model about their motivation.

My desire to write about charity has been motivated by The Fashion for Relief campaign espoused by Naomi Campbell. It is perhaps the least complicated example of the fashion industry raising money for people in difficult circumstances. Its methods of raising money are quite straightforward and less branded than most of the recent charitable causes that I've mentioned, despite a T-shirt design by Christopher Bailey, the Creative Director of Burberry, however the lack of involvement of huge monolithic companies makes it easier to think about from a moral point of view. It seems like the simplest thing on earth to use fashion to make people's lives better and yet in a sense it doesn't create awareness. Very few people like the speech that comes before a concert or the ethical advice that is printed on a CD sleeve because it mixes art, pleasure and guilt. If you acknowledge the cause it takes the art and fun away to an extent, if you don't acknowledge the cause you're wilfully ignoring the origin of the product. In a sense it also makes ethical work out of the ordinary when the ethics shouldn't be something that need to be emphasized. Designers, labels that make so much money should be sourcing their products and working in such a way by default.

2007-09-23T14:19:00.000Z

Here are some of the fashion Blogs that I read:

Catwalk Queen
The Cool Hunter (only the fashion feed)
Fashion Addict Diary
Fashionista
Flypaper

2007-09-23T13:43:00.000Z

I find the clothes designed by Diane Von Furstenberg intensely boring. Often when you observe designer's clothes they're incredibly characteristic of the person, you can see what they like, what drives them to design. My favourite designers, not because I want the clothes necessarily but because they are consistently awe-inspiring and full of personality are people like Galliano, McQueen, Demeulemeester because to an extent they're dancing to their own tune. This is exactly the opposite of my impression of Von Furstenberg.

Diane Von Furstenberg seems to copy clothes and styles from other places without adding any of her own flair. Her ability to make outfits so anonymous is probably a strength in selling but from an artistic/creative perspective it's not interesting.

Here are two photos from her A/W 2007-8 collection and I just don't see anything unique in them, you can't fix on the shoulders so they're not truly of the '80s but the clothes still strike me as period clothing. They don't display any kind of contemporary reference to draw you in and they're extremely conservative:

Conclusively she's got to be the designer I am most bored by because it's not that I don't like her clothes, it's not that I find them interesting but wouldn't wear them, it's that they honestly don't grab my attention.

2007-09-22T10:26:00.001Z

It frustrates me when fashion magazines and television shows start talking about typical body shapes: "this woman is a pear, this woman is an apple". People don't necessarily fall into those categories, if you're tall and have hips, small breasts but hold your fat primarily on your stomach, particularly at the front than what are you? An apple-pear-combination? It's an incredible generalisation, to emphasise that all top heavy women are top heavy in the same way and the same solutions are possible. It's a practise that isn't carried out in reality and moreover it's an easy way to make mistakes

Clothes have to be individual, there's no point going out and following rules, people need to look in the mirror, try umpteen pieces of clothing on and then observe why they do or don't work. If people don't have the eye for that, the capability to judge what clothes are doing to their bodies than there's little that can be done. The number one rule is never try on anything you can't afford, expensive clothes are far more pleasant and it's an unpleasant shock to put on cheaper outfits later. Unfortunately material is everything and I can wear a long T-shirt from Warehouse but not from Dorothy Perkins, something I sadly have knowledge of now.

2007-09-21T21:31:00.000Z

There's a slightly patronising article about Duro Olowu in this month's edition of UK Vogue. Luckily I don't expect anything else from the fashion magazine, which has always been aimed at people who either don't have to budget to buy food or do have to budget but will ignore Vogue's absurdities (because they're excited about the very existence of Duro Olowu. I am excited.) Other magazines might interview Olowu but in all likelihood I would have to get past images of flourescent leggings and fashion models clutching religious icons or vinyl records* to find him. Visual pain or Vogue pain? At least the latter gives me an impression of the fashion world rather than the world of faux-cool.

Olowu has just opened a boutique on Portobello Road, he designs clothes that feature beautiful prints. Not only that but they're cut exquisitely and they make these amazing silhouettes that verge on textured, very angular with corners that jut out all over the place. The combination of the shapes and prints really draw me in, Jigsaw had some clothes recently that I was very drawn to, busy natural prints that contrasted and almost clashed with each other and Duro Olowu's autumn/winter '07 collection appealed to exactly the same part of me. Even his plainer clothes are beautiful and affecting, here's something that I think would appeal to everyone:

Now on to Paul and Joe. These clothes remind me of Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet, perhaps some other programmes from my childhood as well. They look extremely English, are often voluminous in unexpected places and I wouldn't expect to like them but I really do. The purple dungarees are definitely my favourite, there's something really appealing and approachable about them, they look like a piece of clothing that would be really fun to wear and everyone needs clothes like that. Clothes to play in that don't make you look too young but inspire simple enthusiasm all the same. I think they hit on something really good because fashion is so often so terribly serious and pious, even the more extreme couture that is unusual and extravagant is rarely just good fun and there's always room for joyous garments!

*clearly to some vinyl records are religious icons

2007-09-20T13:58:00.000Z

Gareth Pugh is featuring on almost every fashion blog and in a lot of literature surrounding the fashion weeks at the moment. It's quite interesting because his clothes were completely unavailable until Liberty started to stock them this year. He's really loved because he makes clothes that approach pure haute couture. You can take a look at part of his Spring/Summer 2008 collection here.

Interestingly the Liberty website's International Collections page features two of my favourite designers, Ann Demeulemeester and Duro Olowu.

2007-09-19T11:05:00.000Z

I wanted to talk about vanity. It's a word that is often incorrectly applied, as if care and attention to appearance was conceited, a negativity or character flaw rather than a response to our culture. Joanna Entwistle says very reasonably in The Fashioned Body that "dress or adornment is one of the means by which bodies are made social" and if you hold onto this idea conceited vanity becomes an abstract concept rather than an attainable reality. What appears to be vain is in fact someone who is intent in society, attempting to socialise through their bodies and to socialise their bodies as well. People who appear vain are often very socially engaged, conscious of social rules whether they are inclined to follow or rebel against them. "Dress is the way in which individuals learn to live in their bodies and feel at home in them." Slight observation of the way people dress and the way that they interact is particularly interesting, social engagement and pristine clothes generally go hand in hand. People inclined to extroverted behaviour are often more carefully adorned.

Dressing is an act of creation, it is possible to create personalities that you can use to face society through dress, women in high heels stand and in some cases behave differently depending on their shoes. Clothes create feelings within ourselves that we can then express outward again and that is because adorning yourself is to dress in social fabric as well as simple material.

2007-09-18T16:50:00.000Z

Catwalk models work hard to keep their bodies a certain shape, some take health risks but ultimately they are picked for work because a lot of them take a specific kind of care with food and go to castings and generally work at being a model. This means that when I see celebrities like Victoria Beckham and Peaches Geldof on a catwalk, taking work away from people who have a career it turns me off. If her last name wasn't Geldof what are the chances that she would get employed as a runway model?

I know, I know, there's nepotism in every industry.

2007-09-18T12:05:00.000Z

Chanel has a new advertising campaign. The link allows you to watch the film that has been made starring Keira Knightley, it also gives you a tour of Coco Chanel's apartment. Interestingly on the site they call her Gabrielle Chanel, a name that she rejected in favour of Coco and she probably would have strongly disapproved of the use of her given name.

Chanel have a good history of adverts, they generally instill a sense of unexpected playfulness that has characterised part of the brand's image. This is in direct contrast to some opinions of a label that is occasionally viewed as a little mature. Scents like No.5 really emphasise this perception of maturity, a lot of people find the perfume old fashioned and yet as a whole it doesn't occlude the view of Chanel as a vibrant fashion house, if anything its cross appeal makes it more powerful. A number of fashion theorists claim that this is down to Karl Lagerfeld who became Artistic Director in 1983 and modernised it.

2007-09-18T08:33:00.000Z

Where has tailored summer fashion gone? It seems that women's clothes are polarised more heavily by the seasons every year. During the Autumn and winter months it's easy to find sharp, textured and heavy clothes, materials that hang from the body in interesting ways, creating shapes that flatter the human form. Summer arrives and suddenly all of the tops cling to the least attractive part of the body, in my case the stomach, as if the fashion industry expects everyone to drop a stone and spend all of their spare time in the gym or running around the streets like newly born lambs. With the extremely hot sun on your skin making sweat slowly appear on your face it's difficult to feel attractive anyway, unfortunately even those criteria weren't fulfilled this year, there was little sun, less heat than expected and as a result the illusion of attraction formed by moderate heat and even the swelling, clammy sweat that makes you feel ugly whatever you're wearing were absent anyway. Who wants tight, stomach hugging clothes in chilly weather? Our other options, the dreaded smock dress, tops that pretended at an empire line while failing to be made with empire friendly fabrics and belted tops that absurdly often have the belts in the wrong place to look even moderately good. Very little opportunity to wear other styles existed for anyone who couldn't spend a fortune, it doesn't matter where on the high street you looked this year, every affordable shop was doing the same thing. Summer fashion in 2007 was unsatisfactory. What is the point of capitalism and the choice that it espouses when every store is trying to catch up with every other store? A little variation would be welcome in 2008, hopefully someone will strike out to make clothes that are a little different, a bit interesting and a lot less formulaic.

Will Autumn/Winter be any better? Well the answer is yes, autumn and winter fashions invariably look better on anyone above a UK size 8. In cheaper shops you can find clothes that conceal all of the bits you want to and expose all of the other bits and you can pick and choose in a price range that the vast majority of people can afford. This year the high street seems to be continuing along lengthy lines. I've noticed a few tops around that fall to mid-thigh (based on the catwalk, McQueen, Allegra Hicks); Too shapeless to be dresses, a large, stylish belt works for people with good waists, the rest of us do best to ignore clothes that hang like curtains from our shoulders. There are some jumpers that will work for my body shape, cowl necks are a particular favourite and I've already seen a few adorning the shelves of my local Dorothy Perkins. It's difficult to complain about the skinny jeans that seem to be continuing on, they seem to suit everyone, making even the flabbiest thighs appealing because they generally use a pleasantly heavy material. Tailored trousers are reappearing as the autumn fashions start to appear, satisfying flattering on all of our legs and deep rather than acid colours are more prevalent than they have been over the past four or five months. The change in season is once again a relief to anyone who is sick of the 80s flourescent shades that have been omnipresent for the past two summers, I'm looking forward to wearing deep reds, browns and ivories again and shedding the Whamtastic horror that has haunted me.

Now if only a shop would rip off some Ann Demeulemeester (my eternal favourite) I would be really happy:

2007-09-17T13:21:00.000Z

Sometimes I walk down the street and I feel positively surrounded by women in smock dresses. If I were a more paranoid person I would feel this was a conspiracy, possibly ray beams from outer space or a giant wash of CIA propaganda but as it is the popularity of the smock simply surprises me. I’m just not gutsy enough to feel confident in a dress that makes me the shape of a button mushroom. Clothes are about the way we feel rather than the way we look and smock dresses make me feel dumpy.

The culture of the smock dress is the equivalent of the utilitarian, class eroding casual suit of the early twentieth century. Women of all classes wear these dresses to the extent that the clothing begins to erode signifiers. Most buy them from the same High Street shops, particularly Top Shop which notoriously caters for everyone regardless of social class or status. The vast majority of women look quite mundane in these dresses, they don’t look bad but they don’t look good either. These dresses create women who could be anyone, not in the sense of anonymity but of background and while there may be better quality, pricey smock dresses they really are so non-descript that it would be surprising if you noticed how expensive an individual dress was. If you’re tall and very slender you will look good in any smock dress, if you hold any weight you’ll look odd but approachable regardless of the amount spent.

This type of clothing takes the body completely out of context, concealing the shape underneath and making almost everyone appear slightly rounder, cuter, possibly bumpier and certainly less unique in their body type. The smock is reminiscent of religious clothing, it calls to mind the novice nun in Sister Act. In the past specific types of dress were typically work clothes: nun’s outfits and the garb worn by the Amish and the Plymouth Brethren springs to mind. Everyone, no matter their gender had a duty to abide by the rules. In a sense then this clothing is a marker of equality, all humans equal under God, clothing created for pure utility but in contrast with the usual fashions of today’s society the smock is repressive, oppressive clothing. In a sense it is the opposite of the mini skirt, conceived of as a fun and contemporary item that displayed women’s bodies simply because it could. Perhaps it's this cultural context, the knowledge of the smock dress as something worthy, purposeful and ever so slightly dim that really puts me off? It wouldn’t matter if I could buy anything else for less than £50.

2007-09-16T17:11:00.000Z

I managed to get over my social inabilities last night and enjoy eating cheeseburgers in a back garden in Hampton.

It's been a very relaxed day so far, I've read the first three stories of GK Chesterton's Club of Queer Trades and mopped some floors. Now I intend to finish the book, possibly watch some trash television and eat risotto.

I'm fast approaching 10 stone again and I'm not entirely happy with that, being lighter than I was last September has given me back energy that was severely lacking this time last year so I'm going to control my diet a little more strictly in the next few weeks. It seems like a sensible course of action.

In other, slightly hilarious news, blogger have locked postsecret because it has all the characteristics of a spam blog. Considering how many hits it must get and the amount of time it's been around for, this strikes me as a bit of a mistake. They're not exactly doing themselves a favour.

2007-09-15T15:48:00.000Z

I feel a bit rubbish, not in a ill kind of way but a socially inept kind of way and I'm about to go to the barbecue of an ex-work colleague, which is very misguided of me. I hope I don't do that whole faux-pas thing, I really hate it when people look at me like I'm insane.

2007-09-12T15:56:00.000Z

I think Calvin Klein's spring/summer 2008 collection is beautiful:

2007-09-11T10:30:00.000Z

My nan was a real fan of the Three Tenors. Her favourite musical genre was opera but she was particularly enamoured with Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras and Pavarotti. When I was 11 I sang in the child chorus of Turandot at the Royal Opera House and she could never stop talking about it, she was so excited that I was in a real live opera! I suppose that I understand why so many people filed past Pavarotti's coffin and attended his funeral because there was a deep, abiding passion for Pavarotti, his voice and in a sense just the man in my grandmother.

2007-09-10T14:01:00.000Z

I went to see Two Days in Paris at the Curzon Soho last night, it was very funny and very consistent and I would definitely recommend it. My other option was Atonement, which sounds a bit depressing so I opted for joy instead.

The weekend was a little rollercoaster in nature, there were ups (cinema, w00ting), there were downs (arguments at a wedding), there were inbetweens (everything else). I felt a bit like I was in a relationship movie and now I just feel like sleeping for a hundred years. On top of that I sent a job application off today and for once I'd really like an interview, so if there are any influential higher beings reading this...

2007-09-09T13:55:00.000Z

I saw this postsecret and it rang very true for me but you know, I really think I'm getting better at this every day, which pleases me immensely.

2007-09-07T21:33:00.000Z

It's probably appalling that getting slightly drunk totally snapped me out of this week's dank spell right? But it did, so that's good and I feel much more like a cheerful human being. It probably helped that I got to pour a few false woes out to my friend (poor her! I'd be right sick of me by now), eat some dinner, have a nice chat about other stuff and then chat my boyfriend up over the phone. I'm sitting in his house using his internet while he's out with friends... it's kind of great to do that, I never get to commune with the internet and itunes anymore but here, in on my own, on a Friday night... there's not much I'd rather do at this precise moment.

2007-09-07T11:33:00.000Z

I've really had a sucky week. My sleep's been consistently bad, I can't make any decisions and I feel lonely and need to be alone at the same time. I believe this is commonly called depression but that sounds a bit too serious to me, particularly since this is most likely a passing state of being so I'm just going to go with I've got a case of the sads.

I booked the 8th to the 12th October off work today so I should have a pleasant holiday doing fuck-knows-what on those dates. I guess I've got a month to think about it.

The continued state of my finances isn't really helping things. I'm just not going to have any money for the next 5 months, which is really depressing and I know I shouldn't let it upset me so much but it really does. I get paid and I budget, I get paid and I budget and I just have to go with that.

Well, life will change, it always does.

2007-09-04T16:05:00.000Z

I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up very suddenly at 5.20am, I might have had a nightmare that I can't remember because I felt quite disturbed and a bit rocky. When I got up this morning I felt very lonely and self-conscious, it was as if I was waking up to a giant, echoing chamber and not to the walls of my home. The feeling has really stuck with me today. It's odd because I've been very happy and relaxed recently but I suspect that living on my own is beginning to feel like something I don't want to do anymore. I've enjoyed it until now but I've never liked sleeping alone and it's becoming that thing I actively avoid doing again and that kind of sucks. I don't really want to go home now but I'm going to have to and I guess it will be fine.

2007-09-04T10:03:00.000Z

A quick review of things I like at the moment:
lolcatz
guinea pigs
chocolate mousse
plants
yum yums
hairbands
kitsch household items
Susan Cooper
shoes
clocks
taking photos
shopping (I can't do any though)
time (more please)

2007-09-02T01:07:00.000Z

I just found Dan fast asleep in the middle of the living room floor, not so peculiar for 2am but absurdly sweet. I left him lying there to go upstairs and wash my feet (wearing crocs in London leads to this kind of thing) and then looked up some jobs online so that I can look at them properly tomorrow and suddenly after about 25 minutes I realised he hadn't come upstairs.

Saturday consisted of: waking up and eating Spanish omelette, eating Mille Feuille in Patisserie Valerie, prom 64 in the Royal Albert Hall (including Shostakovich's 5th symphony) and drinks in the terrace bar at the National Theatre on the South Bank. I feel utterly knackered now so I think it's time to obey my body and let the bed entice me in.

2007-08-31T13:21:00.000Z

Mind the Gap!, a feminism blog based in Cardiff (if blogs can be based anywhere geographical), has a post on this Guardian article, What next for the sexual revolution?

There are some good criticisms in the post, of the article, of the examples. I really enjoyed reading it. The more you look, the more amazingly ingrained in patriachal (yes damn patriachal) culture the mainstream press and the average member of the population is.

2007-08-31T09:11:00.000Z

I'm having a bad day, it must be hormones. I woke up needing more sleep, the music on Magic FM had passed bad this morning and entered the realms of tedious, boring and awful. I slept-walked to work, arrived 20 minutes late somehow losing 15 minutes in Marks and Spencer where I bought one apple. I haven't opened the council tax letter that's burning a hole in the bottom of my bag because I'm too scared and I just whined in my bosses face sarcastically.

Great start.

2007-08-30T13:59:00.000Z

Orchids date to time of dinosaurs. This is a really interesting article about orchid pollen having been found stuck to an extinct bee that was preserved in amber. The discovery indicates that orchids arose between 76 and 84 million years ago.

I remember at Kew finding the Cycad one of the most intriguing plants to read about although it was in the temperate house, which is not nearly as impressive as the palm house.

2007-08-24T09:45:00.000Z

I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum last night. Stop reading now if you don't want to be spoiled.

It was ace. There was a tremendous amount of action, Matt Damon was frabjous and Joan Allen was particularly good, I believe that Pam Landy knew a number to fax the documents to. I think that's really the only thing that I need to say about the film, when you believe the improbable and it's down to a combination of good characterisation and acting you're on to a winner. I also adored the very last scene, the smile, the credits, ace.

A Constable sketch has been found in a scrapbook. I like these kinds of stories because they remind you of how big the world is, even in a tiny country like England, there are so many objects and things get lost and are found again everyday.

2007-08-23T16:26:00.000Z

Today the internet fell over! Apparently an optic cable was damaged somewhere between Victoria and Regents Park, possibly by a JCB. I got the online department to make me a lolguineapigz. It was lovely.

That's really all I have to say.

2007-08-22T10:33:00.000Z

A few days ago the hosting for the images fell over, leaving me without the geometric wallpaper that's been gracing this site since February 2004. It seemed like a good opportunity to change a few things around but not too much because I've always like the structure of this page.

The wallpaper is a William Morris design, I've changed the blue lettering to green but kept the red the same. I've been experimenting with the background that these words sit against, using a hex colour code generator but I'm still not sure that I have the right shade. White seems a little too garish but most of the other colours I've tried make the site look as if a 15 year old girl designed it to talk about R4|) B0|$. Maybe I need a design consultant...

2007-08-21T15:37:00.000Z

It looks like I can be a PJ Harvey fan again, I really disliked that hipster album she made in 2004 but this looks a lot more sexeh!

2007-08-20T16:34:00.001Z

Perhaps they could consider something similar for testicular sagging?

2007-08-19T22:08:00.000Z

Yesterday I set out to write the worst fantasy novel in the world with complete gender role reversal thrown in for good measure. As it happens it's quite difficult to remember to reverse gender stereotypes in this type of fiction, for instance all market traders are automatically men because they are always men until you consciously write "she" instead of "he". My target for today was 4,000 words, which would have been easy enough if I had actually dedicated the planned 6 hours to my masterpiece but unfortunately I got distracted by love, the supermarket, consuming the food bought at the supermarket and A Cock and Bull Story, which was shown on BBC 2 at 9pm. As it happens I managed to write a total of 2,300 words, a little more than half, which is not nearly as good going but only took me about 3 hours.

Last night I sat outside the NFT bar and a number of friends gave me a series of fantasy stereotypes that need to be included, among those stereotypes are: the sword as a phallic symbol (I am using a vaginal equivalent obviously), sex (bad), a made up recreational drug, a flying mechanism, concentration on obscenely unimportant detail while referring to boats, absurd customs, everyone white and beautiful except for non-humans who are of course representative of other races (I empahsise here that this is meant to be a bad fantasy novel), names that include apostrophes, a magic article that "holds the land together".

I think I am well on track in the first 2,300 words, as progress happens I will update you with tender attention to no detail.

2007-08-18T14:44:00.000Z

I never know what to make of pop stars like Amy Winehouse. I like her voice, I hate her press coverage, which at best is judgemental in a sexist and derogatory way but she keeps cancelling gigs. If she can't perform that often then she needs to cut back on the amount of work she's doing and change her management because they appear to be handling her situation badly. It seems like really bad business to advertise gigs and then cancel them and with her track record so far this year there's absolutely no way I'd pay to watch her perform and the drugs thing, sure she takes a lot of drugs along with half the population in her age group. Sur-fucking-prise. Journalism just sucks. I swear that celebrities go into rehab to get away from the cameras.

This weekend is turning out to be quite peculiar. The man in my life has fucked up his back, which has rather put a stop on doing the things that I would have liked to do with him this weekend. I'm a bit disappointed really because I would have enjoyed hanging around at the Tate and seeing the Dali exhibition with him and all of those other little things we would have done. I'm meant to be going to the NFT for a drink later with a few friends and it will be good to get out of the house but I feel a bit down that it's not what I completely wanted to do. I had a go at the bindweed (evil, evil) in the garden earlier and now I need to dig up the brambles to get the roots out, I need a brazier first so that I can burn some shit, I must go and do some internet window shopping now.

2007-08-17T17:34:00.000Z

So the wedding...

Weddings are peculiar things. Sometimes it's very difficult to put your finger on why you like or dislike them and occasionally why you feel apathetic about them. I'm talking specifically about the actual ritual, the marriage in a registry office or church. The wedding that I attended yesterday afternoon was quite sweet but almost too anonymous, if you strip a registry office marriage down to the bare bones then I tend to enjoy it, if you put your eccentric stamp on it then again I'll generally have something to watch that is interesting but these days I've been to so many marriages that it's difficult to get enthusiastic about anything that approaches standard without being completely plain, quick and legal. The registry office ceremony contained a cello (played very well), two readings (read very well) and obvious love between the bride and groom but I felt a little shufty. It was definitely non-participatory and generally I enjoy ceremonies that people laugh at, engage with, possibly heckle (yes I have been to a heckling wedding). It might be that I don't know the couple very well and it was difficult to get stuck into their thing but I don't think so, I think it was the standardised stuff that kind of got me.

On the other hand they totally knew how to put on a reception. They had a bus (this is something I would consider if I were getting married, a great way to shunt people between venues!) and we took a scenic route to the beach, drank champagne, got back on bus and went to the pub to eat and drink and jesus did I drink. Me, alcohol intolerant, used to be tee-total, not that into alcohol, 4 glasses of champagne, two of white wine, two of red wine, vodka and apple juice me. I haven't mentioned the cocktail I had in Blanch House (the hotel that we stayed at) before we went to the registry office have I? Wyborowa, cassis, orange and lemon juice and cranberry. There were bands and some dancing, a weeping casualty of alcohol (as always) and the bride, who sang at the reception is agreed by most to have the voice of an angel. It was a lively affair and the speeches were funny but very male dominated as per fucking usual, I always get a bit pissed about that, it's difficult to argue with tradition though, people do weddings with the traditions they want to keep. Also difficult when they're funny.

Basically it was a really good day, it took me a number of hours to recover this morning, I'm not exactly at full strength now, my bitch has passed out on the bed, I need to eat copious amounts of cheese (fuck knows why), I'm feeling cheerful.

Incidentally, I know it's a bit odd but sometimes you meet someone and you just have to not shove cake down their throat even if you know they need it, even if there's a cake sitting on a table conveniently nearby, you have to not feed them because they used to date sleeping beauty (over there) but that doesn't mean you don't want to because sometimes people actually need to swell up and what used to be a jealousy impulse turns out to be the right impulse by accident.

2007-08-16T09:06:00.000Z

Work environments are odd places, you don't expect to walk into the office and straighten your hair at your desk but sometimes, when you have to attend a wedding in the afternoon or an awards ceremony in the evening it happens.

This afternoon I'm going to a wedding in Brighton, it's probably going to be fun and last into the early hours of the morning. I seem to spend a lot of time off work to attend weddings at the moment.

2007-08-15T14:51:00.000Z

Top 5 biscuits (cookies for you internationals out there):

1) Marks and Spencer Organic milk chocolate and toffee biscuits
2) Sainsbury's chocolate chip shortbread
3) Marks and Spencer chocolate rounds
4) Party Rings
5) The classic Hob Nob.

Controversial, I know.

2007-08-12T14:36:00.000Z

I'm reading Kim Stanley Robinson's Sixty Days and Counting at the moment and it's a little peculiar. I would probably sum the book up, actually I have summed the book up as a climate change thriller. It's set a little in the future and focuses on a new US administration led by a charismatic twit called Phil, a slightly odd political campaigner who appears to have a neurotic fixation with his small son's personality and a man who is rather pathetically in love with a woman he does not seem to know at all. At the heart of the novel are some people who appear to be based on the Tibetans but are not called Tibetans and their embassy (in Washington DC?). This book appears to be part of a series that I haven't read, that may be why I'm finding the characters a bit pathetic and castrated rather than interesting and focused. Naturally I'm really enjoying it but I preferred Antarctica.

I drank a bit too much mojito last night so I've been a bit of a grump this afternoon, luckily I just ate steak, chips and some kind of spinach-rocket leaf medley so I'm beginning to feel revived, revitalised even, like a woman on a shower gel advert. Sunday afternoon's should be lazy really and I intend to fulfill that target!

On Thursday I'm going to a wedding in Brighton, which means I have Thursday afternoon and Friday off work. I'm massively looking forward to it, I intend to treat the experience like a super exciting three and a half day weekend, plus I'll have some money and I'll be in Brighton on Friday so I have to try to go shopping (though I very much doubt I'll manage to find the time).

I got the shit bitten out of me by mosquitos last night. I think that the landlords of the United Kingdom are going to have to invest in some mosquito nets because it's getting seriously unsexy in this city.

2007-08-10T15:44:00.000Z

Who's stalking me in Lambeth?

2007-08-10T15:37:00.000Z

I've had a really lovely week, it's been social and intimate in turns, the sun has come out for a sustained period for the first time in months, I've been able to wear summer dresses and open shoes without feeling the icy chill of chilliness. Now I feel relaxed and happy and very cheerful about the rest-of-all-time!!

I've been enjoying Feministing and The F Word this week, now if I could just wrap my head around doing some work for the next hour and twenty minutes everything in the whole of my life would feel sorted for a few hours.

2007-08-06T09:40:00.000Z

If every weekend could be like the one that's just passed, I think I could always be happy.

2007-08-04T10:20:00.000Z

Birthdays are peculiar things, modern life means that 80% of them aren't really celebrated on the day. On Thursday, my 26th birthday, my antiquarian half made me roast chicken for dinner, on Friday I refused to go to work and wandered around town in my favourite green dress with an iced chocolate drink from Godiva (the chocolatier)

2007-08-01T09:17:00.000Z

Climate change floods are inevitable was an article published in the Guardian in April 2004. Hundreds of thousands will be likely to be flooded at least once every 10 years, rendering their homes uninsurable. Considering the weather over the last couple of months we seem to be well on the way to this unhappy dystopia.

2007-07-30T12:10:00.000Z

The weekend in short:
After attending a leaving do on Thursday night I got up on Friday morning and went to my parent's house to pick up a car. I was in Dorset by midday and arrived at a paintballing venue around an hour later. After trying the mask on I realised that the experience wasn't going to work for me, I wanted to rip the nasty thing off so I chose not to paintball and sat around drinking tea and re-reading sections of Harry Potter.

Paintballing was followed by a barbecue at my oh-very-licit-man's sister's place and that went on until about 1am. It was neat, I got to talk to lot's of lovely people and then I slept on a mattress in the back of a van, which was surprisingly comfortable. On Saturday we (it should really have been 'we' all along) woke up at about 10am and then went over to the registry office for D's sister's wedding at 12, I was the only non-blood relation present except for the groom's brother in law, which didn't seem particularly weird. We then bundled back to the parents house, ate lunch and hung around for a few hours until it was time for the reception. I would describe the reception but basically 1)mesmerising fireworks display, 2)yum cake, 3)dancing! 4)spontaneous cricket. It was fun!

On Sunday we woke up a bit later, I had a lot of sleep actually but youknowthatguy had a lot less because he had to stay up and socialise in a garage. We went to Salisbury and then we had some lunch back at the house and then we dropped the car back in sunny Hertfordshire. Then we went for pizza in Camden with my mum and dad, which was ace.

Now I want to go home and watch TV but I need to do the washing up, sweep my floor and do some washing. Plus it's only lunch time.

2007-07-23T10:24:00.000Z

Now that I'm at work on Monday morning I'm really feeling the awesome pain of staying awake until sunrise on Sunday. I want to go home and crawl into my comfy bed and roll myself up in duvet. Yes I do.

Since all of the entertainment news is about the Harry Potter book release I link you to these pictures of fans. Picture 11 is my favourite, a bride holding the book with excitement on her face, her husband wondering what the hell he's done.

2007-07-22T23:02:00.000Z

I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at 5.15am on sunday morning. It took me 6 hours to read, a little longer than usual but I was interrupted a few times by changing trains/buses. I enjoyed it quite a lot, I was pleased by a lot of the decisions she made but I'm not going into detail because there must be a lot of people still reading it. The only part that I thought was really twee and disappointing was the epilogue but if I want to discuss it I'll find a spoiler thread on a message board somewhere.

My problem with Harry Potter, my only real problem with it is the sheer and blatant heterosexuality of the books. The race metaphor is okay but I feel like Rowling could have found a way to broaden things out so that they weren't quite so focused on the conservative ideal of the family. Her website describes Dean's bacground, something she dropped from the plot and that's a shame because it might have provided something that wasn't quite so intent on the mother-father family structure. Even books aimed at children don't have to go there to quite the degree that she managed. If I was going to give the Potter series to children, particularly any that I might have I would really want to balance it with something a bit less intent on guiding kids into marital structures. In a lot of ways she's produced a really old fashioned set of books, they attempt to be about equality but are hazardous because they don't really provide you with anything except the standard. It's not that I think these things harm children or limit them, when I was young my favourite stories were Enid Blyton's schoolbooks but some stories that people encounter should challenge preconceptions as well.

So the weekend: I replacement bus serviced it to my mum's birthday dinner and had a lovely time chatting with my extended family. On the way back I met a group of 18 year olds who were very funny, sweet and on their way to Fabric. I went home and read the Potter book, woke up at 1pm today and watched a Steve Coogan film (The Alibi), then a couple of episodes of The West Wing season three and now I'm at my guy's place and he's reading Harry Potter. It's been okay.

2007-07-21T12:25:00.000Z

I have started to use google calendar to record my general mood over the course of the day. I think it's quite important to recognise patterns in your life with some kind of clarity and I was wondering if I really could chart bad moods in accordance with what my body is doing. There aren't any results yet but it's going to be interesting to see where I am in a month's time.

This weekend I'm going for dinner with my parent's for my mum's birthday. I was meant to be going to a picnic but looking out the window I've just noticed that it's raining so it seems unlikely that there's going to be one now. I think I'll have lunch somewhere in town on my way to the birthday dinner, I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow. Possibly cream tea (the obsession continues) with my friend in Soho.

2007-07-20T12:04:00.000Z

As Potter pilgrims queue outside Waterstones in Piccadilly London is hit by a torrential rainstorm. It would be cruel to laugh but I do find myself smirking just a little bit, particularly since the sky actually turned slightly green at one point (green is of course the colour of the killing curse). I'm in the office, as you would expect and the rain's stopped or paused or whtevr's going on so I'm completely dry. I'm doing fun work today, you know the type you get to do that ties up loose ends, the type of work that happens when you're not in a state of emergency and you start thinking that you're actually doing your job for once. It's a bit sexxy.

2007-07-18T16:19:00.000Z

Lost village found under lake. We are clearly living in a 1990s children's television drama penned by Russell T Davies.

2007-07-17T09:31:00.000Z

Oxford University uses facebook to discipline students. So supposedly some of the best and brightest in the country can't work out that tweaking the privacy settings on your facebook page, which incidentally is really easy is a sensible thing to do?

2007-07-17T08:47:00.000Z

A rain dance? The pagan federation is going to do a rain dance to get rid of a Homer Simpson painting? What is wrong with these people? It's not that a rain dance isn't a lovely idea but why would you need magic to clean up a mess? Is this Fantasia?

2007-07-16T10:44:00.000Z

Oh dear, I'm not too happy that Boris Johnson is standing for London Mayor. There's a possibility that he could win and having heard some of his opinions and considering the Mayor's influence on practical things like the London transport system I feel quite unhappy about the prospect. I would be surprised if Boris had ever been on a bus in rush hour. I don't think he's really capable of envisioning a city that would "put the smile back on London's face" because he probably doesn't understand what it's like to live here in a way that isn't monied. I want a Mayor who understands all of the people who live here, not just those who reside in the heart of Belgravia. I will definitely be voting for Ken.

2007-07-16T08:52:00.000Z

On Saturday afternoon I went to Oxford via the Oxford tube to see a friend. We ate cake (one slice of coconut, one of chocolate and one of ginger) and then wandered around some clothes shops for a few hours. On our way to her flat, which I visited because I hadn't seen it before, we stopped for thai food at a large cafe. My conclusion was that shopping in Oxford is better than shopping in London. It was nice to go to Oxford again, last time I visited was with people who went to university there and we toured a couple of colleges and went on a nostalgia trip. I really enjoyed it but this time I got the view of someone who was actually living their life there.

Afterwards I hopped back on the Oxford tube and disembarked at Marble Arch. I walked up Oxford Street to Covent Garden (actually it was more like marching) and met some friends in a bar. Some of them disappeared as the night went on but I stuck around, I wasn't exactly in a panic to get home. The six of us who stuck around left Covent Garden at about half past three and went to China Town for some food. It was pretty chaotic and I wasn't really hungry but it was definitely fun. I got the night bus from Whitehall as the sun was starting to come up and I got home at about 5am. The bus was like a performance piece, two guys in all their camp blonde glory got on at Waterloo, one of them was bandaged up and as they got off 5 minutes later bowed sweepingly to us. Sunday was spent recovering, cleaning my flat and watching comedy sitcoms, mostly on More4.

2007-07-13T11:05:00.000Z

Someone has been leaving money in Japanese toilets and no one knows why. The packets have lovely messages scrawled across them. It's capitalism gone wrong.

2007-07-13T09:38:00.000Z

My boyfriend (I still can't find a clear and fitting word) is going to a stag party in Cornwall from Friday afternoon to Sunday so I am going to have to entertain myself. My plan is to spend Saturday daytime in Oxford with a friend who lives there at the moment and to come back to London for a party in Covent Garden in the evening. I'll probably spend most of Sunday in bed feeling gruesome because of Saturday evening but that's okay because freeview will let me finish the day with Hero on film four at 9pm.

I'm going to go to bed quite early tonight so that I can go to Oxford tomorrow morning. If I don't do that then I won't see very much of my friend and I already sucked last weekend: I was meant to see someone in Salisbury and didn't. I'm hoping for cream tea, is there cream tea in Oxford? I'm eating too much cream tea at the moment, I indulged in Patisserie Valerie's the weekend before last but clotted cream and jam on scones is not something I can say no too.

2007-07-12T09:03:00.000Z

I would like to say something biting and productive about the Liberal Democrats plan to cut income tax by 4p but really my response is simply that they're pathetic and have no guts. There tax policies suck, they suck and I would quite blatantly not vote Lib Dem under any circumstance now that they have decided to assume their place on the right of British politics. We need to pay taxes to inhabit civilisation, this is most definitely not the way to go about things, it is illogical, impractical and absurd and I'm hazarding a guess but I'd go for unworkable. What are they going to stop paying for? Well obviously nothing because no one is ever going to elect them thank fuck. Abolishing capital gains tax is a fine idea, cutting income tax isn't.

2007-07-11T11:26:00.000Z

Eating disorders and the size zero debate:

Every time some poor aspiring young journalist is encouraged to record a voluntary self-starvation attempt in order to boost sales - Dawn Porter for the Daily Mail and Kate Spicer for The Times to name but two - and every time these stories are printed along with gruesome ‘before and after’ shots of ill-looking women in their underwear, the message is the same: women are pieces of meat

I couldn't have put this better.

Incidentally last night I went to see Die Hard 4.0, basically they shouldn't have featured any women in the movie and then it would have been cracking. Hollywood has a severe problem with token women, either you get them right and drop the constant over sexualisation-under sexualisation shit or you just don't write them in. This seems simple to me but apparently the industry can't handle it. What's really odd is that in Die Hard Holly is a really neat character, tough and believable so to turn it around and make John's daughter a bit character, make the female baddie a cut out kung-fu performing woman who spends the movie kitted out in fetish gear seems absurd. The computer stuff was silly too though and it was a bit mixed up about geeks. Basically it's very important to just enjoy the immense destruction reeked by Bruce Willis. It was ace, just switch the brain off.

Additionally this obsession with gerbils is going to have to go. People are starting to ask questions about my online status and I don't really think that I can explain myself. How do you tell your friends and acquaintances that you have a group of line dancing gerbils in your head without being packed off to the GP?

2007-07-10T12:05:00.000Z

There are two things: I want to elaborate on my response to Eve Kay's article on the Guardian site and talk about insulting words.

So Eve Kay, my response was flippant. I work in a department where I see people's names as they choose to present them every day and I am constantly astounded by the number of people who use the titles "Miss" and "Mrs". It feels a little derogatory to yourself to change your name or title when you marry, I can perhaps understand if you really like your partner's name, for instance someone I know changed from a pretty common Welsh surname to Tessier but why would this necessitate a change of title? Do people really want to be actively identified by their marital status and if so why? No one has ever been able to explain it to me but perhaps it's because I'm so firmly rooted in the other camp. I abandoned "Miss" when I started my first bank account, now I look at the word and I find it childish, it's the title of a little girl, not a woman who supports herself financially. I live on my own, I pay my own bills, I cook and clean for myself, why on earth would I ever think of possessing a title that was based solely on my relationship with a man?

Moving on to insulting words: there are some words that I use even though I possibly shouldn't. Among them are cunt, possibly anti-feminist though I've yet to be fully convinced that I shouldn't use it any way I like, my body part after all (did you see what I did there? I thought that was clever, conflating societal prescriptions about sluttishness and my use of a rude word). The other one is lame, I think this is more dubious because lame basically means, well, lame and it's a bit horrible to use words like that so lightly. I really love the word though, it slips out "oh that's so lame" even though it shouldn't and it's slang meaning is so specific, unfortunately specifically related to the original use.

2007-07-10T09:52:00.000Z

Your comments: What women talk about. I sent the BBC an absolutely blistering email about the original article that this comments section refers to and frankly I am astounded by some of the "critical" responses that they have chosen to publicise. The original piece was unutterably sexist and really just fucking sick, irrational, illogical, prejudiced, disempowering, appalling. This is probably funded by the licence fee, I probably funded the pukeworthy piece of fucking crap.

2007-07-10T09:18:00.000Z

This isn't really surprising if you've been following the story but it feels a little frightening: Troops in the Pakistani capital, Islamabad, have stormed a controversial mosque after talks with hardline Islamists inside broke down. It's partly that a religious institution has been to be attacked by military force, which seems so incredible from the perspective of London but the striking thing is really the back story. Background is provided by openDemocracy.net and it's an interesting read, The Lal Masjid (Red Mosque) has already emerged as an important link between Islamists in Pakistan proper, and the Pashtun tribesmen of the frontier areas who provide much of the backbone of the Taliban. This is a problem that has clearly been escalating for some months and it's been impossible to tackle effectively for grassroots political reasons. There are photos relating to this from the 6th July on the Times website here.

I'm in the middle of reading Islam by Hans Kung at the moment. Perhaps it will have a bearing on my opinion of this kind of thing? My secular upbringing makes it very difficult for me to understand religious faith, it feels so irrational to do something for god when you're surrounded by so many people everyday.

2007-07-09T15:34:00.000Z

Do you ever have the worry that you're restraining someone? Restricting them in some indiscernible way? On top of that there's the fear that actually it's transferring that emotion, that it's you who's restricting yourself or being restricted.

I feel very muddled up today, I can't work out quite where I am, whether I need to evade or confront, back away or step forward. I really try to step up to my problems and usually that's okay but it's difficult to know what's prevalent at the moment. I need someone to help me, to tell me how to organise myself and there isn't anyone.

Oh god I'm such an introverted intuitive feeling perceptive Myers-Briggs idiot.

2007-07-09T09:23:00.000Z

This weekend has been both fun and not-so-hott. I think it goes along the line of what do you get when you take two sleep dysfunctional people and make them into a couple? A nightmare. (Worthy of a Christmas cracker I think.) It's not a big thing, I just seem to spend a lot of time wishing there was more time for sleep, usually when I'm at work.

Wiltshire's a nice place, there was lots of nice food, I met two lovely cats and some fish. There were pigs when we were walking from Pitton to Salisbury but I didn't talk to them because I was informed I might be eating one soon and I thought it might make me a bit sad.

2007-07-06T14:47:00.000Z

I want this "article" What women talk about in the magazine section of the BBC site to be slated beyond belief by every right thinking person alive.

THIS IS NOT 1957. DWORKIN LIVES!!11!!!!! ETC.

2007-07-05T23:05:00.000Z

Yellow, red, olive green, pink, blue-grey-blue and the sea, I can hear the sea but the colours are the prevalent thing.

When I hear the Marriage of Figaro and it's turned up quite loud I see bubbles rising in my vision. I would like someone to make me see coloured smears, like an 80s pop video by a group that aren't quite new romantic but obviously not on a screen. I have no idea what noise could create this, the challenge is to make it calm enough that I don't shut my eyes. There is an Italian composer, I think his name begins with S who creates such panic in me with his dinging chaos that I have to run out of the room or hit the stop button. Mild synaesthesia is emotional, sometimes it makes you happy, angry, sad, reflection is also a tangible emotion, rather lovely when it is created by music.

Do you ever get the urge when your signifier, licit lover, whatever you want to call them today, do you ever get the urge when they look serious and tired at the same time, to run your tongue over their face to make them less... serious? It's an action you can't perform obviously, that would be both fucking sucky and completely irresponsible but that doesn't mean it's not there. Like a salivating hug.

These bed covers are hugging me. I'm very sleepy and it's terribly comfortable here. I would have been at home but I can't sleep alone at the moment. I'm not sure why but I keep waking up or having trouble getting to sleep. Obviously getting to sleep isn't going to be easier here but I still feel a bit more comfy.

Earlier this evening I had a conversation with a friend (I went to dinner with her) about PMS, about how nasty it is to feel ugly towards people because it's really the worst thing. I can cope with all of the physical symptoms (cramps, hot flushes, odd digestion, cravings, lethargy, exhaustion, back pain) and I can just about deal with the crying and sudden depressive moments but when I feel hot and irrational anger and start to aim it at thoroughly undeserving people I suddenly find the whole thing really appalling. I started to take these vitamin and mineral pills, the main content is magnesium but they have a bunch of B vitamins and other suff in them. On the basis of a month they seem to be working well, I've been slightly more in control than usual but I think the conclusion will have to wait for another 4 weeks.

2007-07-05T08:56:00.000Z

Call Me Ms by Eve Kay. Who would be a Miss anyway?

2007-07-04T20:59:00.000Z

Sitting in bed and reading East Wind Melts the Ice I develop a sudden urge to write about the seasonal shift. Books about the seasons, the way that they fit together, the change appeal to me. I suppose it's especially important at the moment because the weather is so off. Perhaps it's only here and if you're in another country those words won't mean too much to you but England isn't used to thunderstorms, snow, hail and then bright sunshine and rainbows in a day. Summer does not seem to want to show her face this year and I already miss those lovely, balmy evenings that are so relaxing. No picnics, no lying on my back in the heat, no ice cream on a lazy Sunday for me, no beer gardens and silly laughter on a weekday night because it's so unpredictable, so miserable at the moment that those things are impossible to experience.

I worry that I will feel sad in November, when it gets bitingly cold because there has not been any contrast. I love Autumn, it's my favourite season, I like crunching leaves and the feel of fading summer and the atmosphere and the colours and I fear that Autumn won't happen just as summer isn't. Thunderstorms are wonderful but if everything is so fucked up then we won't have thunder in late August and September where it's meant to be, it will happen now and there will be no sun on my skin this year.

2007-07-04T15:27:00.000Z

Hi Nina, why don't you believe in anarchy, why do you think Hakim Bey's solutions will never work?

Dear Anarchists,

Most of the people in my office are too unobservant to notice that the blue bin in the corner is for plastic recycling. The bin with the sign above it, the bin that only has plastic bottles and tins in it. These are people with good educations who work in journalism and apparently can read. How a community would function without anyone to tell these people what to do is beyond me. That is why I am not an anarchist.

2007-07-04T12:26:00.000Z

A 7 year old's mother freezes eggs so her daughter can have genetically similar babies if she wants to. I don't understand why this is less ethical hthan aving unrelated babies? The mother said "We were concerned about the ethical questions - would I look at the child as my grandchild or as my own? This question seems a little silly, it's not like she going to be giving birth to the child.

I found the comments of Josephine Quintavalle, of Comment on Reproductive Ethics pretty laughable: "The psychological welfare of the baby itself has to be the principal concern. Such a baby would be a sibling of the birth mother at the same time as the direct genetic offspring of the grandmother donor".

Why would this be a problem psychologically? If it is such a problem then perhaps putting children up for adoption is wrong because of the psychological problems? After all they could develop terrible identity confusion because they don't know their genetic roots at all. I suspect the so called ethical response is a knee jerk 'incest' response rather than a thought out and clarified position and I'd like to see a psychoanalytic analysis of why people respond to the notion of the daughter using the eggs so peculiarly.

Why do medical technologies make people freak out so much?

2007-07-04T12:18:00.000Z

This made me laugh so so much. Make sure your sound is turned on, otherwise it will be less good. It's really good.

2007-07-03T09:12:00.000Z

The BBC website sucks at covering terrorism, where's the drama? Where's the "suspect package outside Hammersmith station"? (I suspect this was my co-worker's friend who has previously had a bag exploded by the bomb squad outside Hammersmith.) The news channels are much more over the top and frenetic and really that's what I'm looking for, foolish hysteria. Suspect packages remind me of childhood!

Now if a TV journalist could just mutter "we're on critical people" in a mock US accent when I'm passing the TV in reception downstairs I would be very cheerful.

2007-07-02T15:25:00.000Z

This essay on polyamory on makezine is not something that I would generally link to because I would find polyamory more of a punishment than a pleasure. I think the first half of the penultimate paragraph is totally hott though:

Sometimes while I ride the subway I try to look at each person and imagine what they look like to someone who is totally in love with them. I think everyone has had someone look at them that way, whether it was a lover, or a parent, or a friend, whether they know it or not. It’s a wonderful thing, to look at someone to whom I would never be attracted and think about what looking at them feels like to someone who is devouring every part of their image, who has invisible strings that are connected to this person tied to every part of their body. I think this fun pastime is a way of cultivating compassion

2007-07-02T14:10:00.000Z

Fawcett Society: This is what a feminist looks like. I read about the campaign on The F-Word features page, which I generally love. However I sometimes find the blog questionable. Gap selling suggestive clothing for toddlers is one of those questionable moments. I can't help but feel that this is in some way a Mail inspired piece of writing. I don't really believe that any clothing can make a toddler look or feel suggestive. Toddler's are those short people who have only just stopped spending their time wearing very little quite often. A one year old has barely hit the mirror stage. Surely the argument should be more practical than this?

In addition I clearly remember this kind of swimwear being available for small children in the '80s so when Leavy says it's going to get worse, well, it seems a bit over the top, I think it's sticking at pretty bad.

2007-06-27T10:42:00.000Z

It struck me this morning that Gordon Brown is going to be the first Prime Minister who starts his premiership during my adult life. Blair became PM before I reached voting age, which I suppose is the political equivalent of being a grown up. It's significant but I can't put my finger on why. I suppose it's that I'll have a complete awareness of the entire phase rather than a broken up conception of it, I never engaged with the benevolent Blair who came to power in '97, my parents had always disliked him and were cynical about him, I thought it was a weird PR scam when he invited celebrities to Downing Street and my peers were either apathetic about the whole thing or hardcore Tories but I didn't look at the scenario as something relevant to me. Nowadays everything seems relevant in, you know, a horrible way.

Also I love guinea pigs.

2007-06-26T14:18:00.000Z

This article by Dwysan Edwards on rape and society is really relevant at the moment, I echo her feeling: It incenses me that women are still being told to act appropriately in order to reduce the risks of being assaulted. It's especially relevant when you consider the current case referred to Lord Goldsmith concerning the sentencing of Keith Fenn. Judge Hall said in sentencing he faced a moral dilemma as the fact they had sex within 45 minutes of meeting was an absolute crime. But he said the girl had dressed provocatively and looked as though she was 16. So a 10 year old can be responsible for having sex because she dressed in a certain way according to this Judge, I have this odd suspicion that he wouldn't have emphasised that a 10 year old boy was wearing tight trousers in the same situation.

2007-06-26T11:19:00.000Z

So there's been major flooding in the north of England over the last couple of days to the extent that people have been rescued from cars and rooftops. It worried me a little because my brother lives in Leeds but apparently he's above sea level so there hasn't been any trouble in his specific area. It's always quite odd to see this type of thing because London so rarely gets hit by extreme weather conditions, even pictures of Kensal Rise after it's hit by a tornado are more surreal than nerve-wracking (this happened earlier in the year. Kensal Rise is in North London). Obviously if I lived in Kensal Rise it would have been a bit nerve-wracking but Streatham Hill has managed to avoid extreme weather so far this year.

2007-06-25T11:34:00.000Z

I spent the weekend cat-sitting Violet the demanding siamese. Last night she wandered into my bedroom at 5am and started wailing at the top of her lungs, which was fun. I chased her out of there and shut the door. What possible purpose could waking me up at 5am serve? I know she's a cat but it was very naughty. I was quite surprised by the amount of food she puts away, she doesn't really like eating in front of me, I don't know if she has that attitude to everyone but often when I walked into the kitchen after going out her bowl would be completely empty. She will probably become quite fat, which I'm looking forward to.

It was quite nice to be there for a weekend, I saw my "Aunt" and "cousin", went out for a drink with a school friend and basically hung around. My 'ship made a fleeting visit, it was really good that he turned up even though it seemed short. I didn't really stop very much, perhaps it feels that way because I got to drive a car for the first time in months. I got to drive one of these:

2007-06-22T21:39:00.000Z

Observations about change of leadership in Britain: doesn't Gordon Brown have pronounced bags under his eyes? Perhaps he should have botox, after all he does sit in front of cameras a lot. Are politicians with faces that don't move more or less trustworthy?

And Nick Robinson (BBC political editor) look a little like an alien when he's on TV? I have seen him in reality and he doesn't really look like an alien but I think it would be wrong to ignore it when he's on Newsnight right now, in front of my eyes.

I've started to engage with barbelith again and I'm not completely happy with that. It doesn't make me angry anymore, which is good but I'm not sure that I want to spend my time thinking about gender and race issues. It's not that these are bad or stupid things to think about (the opposite really) but I worry that when my brain is stultifying it falls back on to these things when I should be trying to work out what the hell I should do for the next 100 years of my life.

I wanted to go into fashion a while ago and I can feel the industry turning my head again but what would I do? Industries are big beasts. I don't want to write stuff, if working at the *** ********* has taught me anything it's that journalism of any type would drive me fucking insane, retail's not my tea, I need to do a photography course if I want to do that, I don't know if I could do anything artistic- traditionally I'm clumsy with that kind of thing. Hrrm.

John Simpson has lovely fluffy hair. Virile old man.

2007-06-20T11:11:00.000Z

Last night I went to a bookshop. I don't know why I bother, I couldn't find anything that I wanted to read. I mean, there were things that I thought I maybe wouldn't mind reading but then when I opened them and looked at the sentence structure I realised I wasn't in the mood.

I am sorry for the tendency towards Miss Climpson today but everyone has to be emphatic sometimes.

The problem is that I really feel like reading junk but not bad junk so immediately any type of rigorous selection process flies out of the window because how do you select good junk? I looked in the crime section, often full of good junk actually, I thought Laurie King but they didn't have any, I thought McCall-Smith but the particular set I like, the Isobel Dalhousie's were not in stock so then I thought Sayers, I'll get a Wimsey even though it will be expensive I know I'll read it a few times but NO WIMSEY.

Conclusion: toss bookshop

2007-06-19T15:02:00.000Z

Things that are slightly disturbing #844562

1) Fourth cup of tea today made me slightly hyperactive
2) Slurping noise as desk-neighbour eats apple
3) Personal addiction to organisation
4) Inability to predict weather
5) Desire to have Internet at home so that I can do work there

Actually 4) isn't really that disturbing I may be grasping at straws.

So I am going to my first Internet meet in quite a while on Sunday, they've dropped off significantly in the past few years but they're a good way to meet up with people who I know, like and live far away and to meet people who I think I'd probably like but haven't met. On Saturday I intend to see people who I've known for years but I've failed to plan anything because I suck at that sort of thing. I guess it's interesting to see if people remember that I'm going to be around. One of my best men is back in the country on the 30th so perhaps I'll see him a little more then I have in the last couple of years, although probably not because of that whole planning-suck thing I've got going on. I'm going to a two year's old birthday party on the 7th July, I hope for cake. I have considerably failed to see my friends or make any new friends in the last 2 weeks, which is a bit of a concern because friends are good you know but it takes so much energy and fundamentally I am lazy. If you are reading this and you are my friend (you probably aren't I have no readership, I think I retain some friends... I hope) then please could you invite me over because I suck.

I have a shedload of work to do, so I'm updating this because work is a crime against humanity.

I am unhappy with the way I keep stationary (is this even the correct way to spell stationary?) on my desk at work. I think I need a pen tidy.

I have no favourite postsecret this week because they are all totally oedipal/electra.

Word verification on blogger suxxor.

Thank you for listening.

2007-06-18T13:54:00.000Z

I've cancelled my myspace and friendsreunited profiles. I have always hated being present on both sites. Friendsreunited have never sorted out their useability problems and they've had the best part of a decade. The site is really fiddly and overcomplicated, trying to navigate it makes me want to weep tears of pain, it took me a little while to remember my password but it was very worth it. Myspace is really sucky, it's almost as bad as friendster was. I suppose it might be good if you want to market yourself in some way but fundamentally it's unsexxy. In order to delete your profile you actually have to click a "cancel your account" button four or five times, which is a little over the top. I think they're trying to psychologically persuade you that you were wrong to think of leaving! I wasn't though, my wallpaper looked hott but ultimately I should never have joined. I like interactive sites and software and Myspace is not really interactive, it's about presenting yourself, everything is about pushing out and not drawing in.

2007-06-18T10:20:00.000Z

Last night I had a chat with my mum about anger and how I experience it. She said that I'm not really an angry person but because both of my parents have been quite angry about various things in their past I have a tendency to experience anger. This is true and really set my alarming bells ringing, it's why I have such a hard type coping with it and why I get histrionic because I'm processing emotion in a way that doesn't suit. Then she said that I always feel like I can't just like things because when I was quite small I often wasn't allowed to have the things that I felt very drawn to and that sometimes I think I shouldn't like what I like if other people place a judgment on it. That's been happening a lot lately and it's probably time to stop thinking about other people's judgments but because it's so ingrained I feel like I need to lock people out when they do it, especially if they're also not making a perceived effort to invite me in to their periphery. So here's the thing, instead of getting all upset because I think that maybe I shouldn't like objects/people, I'm just going to try to ignore everything I feel should be and focus on what is. I also think I need to buy some pink shoes and an Asterix book. Especially pink shoes.

So to maintain my equilibrium I really have to just accept what I like and get on with it but as it turns out that's really difficult. I don't like having this conversation with myself, it makes me feel like a 15 year old.

2007-06-17T09:26:00.000Z

I am awake at this ungodly hour on Sunday morning because I am feeling negative. I'm just not doing very well at the moment, my insomnia seems to have reversed so I can't sleep in anymore, I have to spend the whole of next weekend alone in my parent's house looking after their cat, my boyfriend- well I'm out of sight, out of mind, I just want a different life but what life? Nothing is inspiring me.

2007-06-11T10:47:00.000Z

This was my favourite wedding secret: postsecret plays to a theme these days.

2007-06-06T09:46:00.000Z

I can't help but suspect- a few days in- that the way to have a good relationship with someone is actually to share google calendars with them. You can organise around your partner's life without asking them what they're doing all the time, which is actually a bit embarrassing. Well I hate doing it anyway because it can feel quite controlling when all you really want to know is when someone is busy. Now this sounds like a fundamental problem, some avoidance of real conversation but it isn't really, google calendar is more a way to avoid mundane conversation than avoid conversation. It's about 800 times quicker and I have a tendency to forget boring details about my life (details like I am cat sitting during x weekend in June) when having fun.

2007-06-04T13:32:00.000Z

Because I was hoping we would never have an argument that violent again and it clearly isn't going that way I have bought a book. Everytime we argue I will stick something that you love and I dislike in the book and maybe it will teach me calm, reason, humility but mostly to hold my tongue.